The Vital United Rumour Mill is back and I'm sure you all felt a gaping hole in your lives while it was absent.
I promised I would not write about Cristiano Ronaldo's possible departure and I will keep my promise.
But Barcelona will be represented in this column and not because of their miserable displays against Liverpool but because of a certain Samuel Eto'o. The Cameroon striker had some troubles at the Catalans recently, with Ronaldinho openly criticising him for his attitude after he refused to come on as a substitute for 5 minutes against Racing Santander. Of course, the tabloids started to make stories about his summer departure and United were mentioned among the possible destinations.
Well, he's a hell of a striker even though he was invisible at Anfield but his attitude and character makes me say I do not want him. He's a prat, to be brutally honest.
Gaby Heinze is a model professional even with his fiery character and I'm not surprised Spurs still want him. The defender can't get back into the first team due to Evra's excellent form and believed to be frustrated by his limited opportunities. Many sources claim it's almost a done deal that he'll be at White Hart Lane come September. Well, we'll see.
Alan Smith could be the subject of a record transfer bid. No, he won't sign for Real Madrid (who knows? they at the Bernabeu are more than able to shock us...) but Sheffield United are ready to break their own club record to buy Smudger. Just imagine a Warnock-Smith strike partnership - amazing, isn't it?
We have the current Ryan Giggs but we won't have the next one, for a while at least. Colchester's Medi Elito has been linked with a move to United but Joe Dunne, the Us youth team boss rejected these claims, stating they youngster won't take part in a trial at Old Trafford.
'The lads have been reading the newspapers in the dressing room and nicknaming him Giggsy for the day,' Dunne told the East Anglian Daily Times.
'It's all been very light-hearted. That's the kind of kid Elito is, nothing fazes him.
'He's a great character to have about the place and he's told me himself that he wants to stay with us at Colchester.
'We all know that he's got terrific potential. He's not going to go off and train with Manchester United this week.
'The only reason he would go is if a club bought him, and that's not an invitation!
'I suppose any publicity is good publicity, but Medi is not taking the attention too seriously. I would say that he's going to wear the blue-and-white of Colchester United. He's not going anywhere.'