Date:Saturday June 28 2008
Love a transfer saga? Can`t ever get the right consistency of bile, tripe and make-believe in yours? Well, don`t fear, we are here to help.
Below are the stages required to make the perfect transfer saga, using Manchester United`s Ronaldo, Arsenal`s Adebayor`s and Aston Villa`s Gareth Barry as examples.
1.) Firstly, sow the seed of doubt:
Ronaldo - "I want to stay, but the future ... no one knows."
Adebayor - 'I do not want to speak about this at the moment because of Arsenal. But it is possible there will be something to say in a few days' time.'
Barry - "I`ve had one meeting with Martin O`Neill and Randy Lerner. We all put our thoughts across the table, and I`m sure we`ll be speaking again. I think it`d be unfair to make too many comments until then."
2.) Get the Agents in on the act.....STIR gently:
Ronaldo - "Ronaldo's agent, Jorge Mendes, has already reached a deal with the Spaniards on his behalf." (The Telegraph)
Adebayor - 'What are the chances of Adebayor coming to Milan? I'd say today we are between 70 and 80 per cent.' (Vincenzo Morabito)
Barry - 'At this stage of his career Gareth wants to be playing Champions League football and believes this is his chance to do it.' (Alex Black)
3.) Continue to tap-up with a few sprinkled opinions from "innocent" players:
Ronaldo - "I talk to with Cristiano all the time and tell him how great this club is, I would love to play alongside him again." (Gabriel Heinze)
Adebayor - "He already said that he would come, but it depends now on Arsenal if he stays there otherwise he comes to Milan." (Clarence Seedorf)
Barry - "I want Gareth Barry to become a Liverpool player. I am desperate for us to sign him.' (Steven Gerrard)
4.) Leave to set for a while...in the meantime make a few jokes and belittle you current club a little bit:
Ronaldo - "I like a white kit...the white kit of the national team that is.'
Adebayor - "[Arsene Wenger] didn't buy me because I'm from Togo or because I needed money or because I look beautiful."
Barry - C`mon, you didn`t really expect me to find anything funny from Gareth Barry did you?
5.) Mix it up a bit with some opinion from club legends past and present - to put them in their place:
Ronaldo - "United is one of the biggest clubs in the world. They have been winning, are winning and will continue to win things generation after generation. They will always win whoever they have playing for them." (Eric Cantona)
Adebayor - 'Emmanuel is a very good player. There has been a lot of talk about his future and we will see what happens in the next few weeks. It will be his decision and I hope when he makes his choice - it will be the best decision." (Cesc Fabregas)
Barry - "My advice to Barry would be that the grass is not always greener on the other side." (Paul Merson)
6.) Cheekily toss in a few spurious, totally un-verified quotes from the player:
Ronaldo - "I would like to play for Real Madrid but only if it is true they are ready to pay what Manchester United ask of them."
Adebayor - "But if they sell me, and what they say in the newspapers is right, they are going to get 50, maybe 60 million for me and they bought me for 10. So everyone is getting the benefits. They have to make a good decision and I have to make a good decision as well"
Barry - 'Champions League football helps any player. You only have to look at the England squad to see the amount of players who get in the squad and start the games - the majority play in the Champions League. Liverpool are in the Champions League and Villa are trying to push for that. That's all part of my decision if a bid gets accepted."
Bring to the boil and leave to simmer for two long hot summer months until midnight on August 31st - whilst remembering to add constant media intrusion and bull**** along the way...
Date:Saturday June 28 2008
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